The last three words I said after this, was “with no soul”. As she walked away angry for no good reason, she probably felt these words cut deeply and proved that I was the abusive one. But I had a huge arsenal of attacks about her dark past, her appearance, her insecurities, all weapons I could have used against her if I was abusive, but I never did, because I was not abusive. The words I chose were precise, truthful, and accurate.
The truth is that to her, any accountability or consequences for her own actions were abuse. If I didn’t tell her this dark truth, which I refused to do the entire relationship, no one would. I said it because it was true. She was cruel. A cruel person who leaves the one they claim to love at his most difficult time in his life. A heartless monster who, when he is pushed over the edge and says “no one loves me”, still has no shred of sympathy for him and response (after having left anyway and claiming not to have”), “let’s take a break”.
Not a shred of compassion. Not an ounce of human decency. Not a moment of care. Not a single thought for the other person. Later I would discover that she really thought I was going to kill myself when I said that nobody loves me. I wasn’t, but the fact that she thought this and still, for 2 weeks after “let’s take a break”, didn’t say a single word of comfort and never once checked in, shows how truly heartless and cruel she really was. My words were not an attack; they were the honest truth.
To her, the natural consequences of her truly evil, soulless, despicable, selfish behavior was abuse. To her, another person expressing their feelings of being unloved is an attack. To her, another person even stating something so neutral as “this shows you who I really am”, resulted in a barrage of attacks against him for him saying “such a mean thing” that “makes her feel so bad”. He didn’t say anything mean, he literally said that quote, word for word, and listened quietly while she twisted a statement that was about himself, objective proof he was not a bad guy, into being the proof that he was the bad guy, because this “made her feel bad”.
This conversation happened after returning her belongings, some of which were expensive and valuable to her. She had told him that she didn’t know what he was going to do – a ridiculous statement after all he did for her, but even in the darkest moment, he held onto her things and did not throw them away and cut ties. He personally delivered them to her to give her one last chance to save the best thing that ever happened to her – true love. But true love in this relationship was really only a one-way street. He gave all the love, and she turned his love into personal attacks against her.
Bringing her things, including a plant that couldn’t be mailed, and hoping for closure since she walked away and broke up over a text message, was considered a violation of her space. Pointing out the good deed when he was attacked for it as if this somehow surprised her, pointing out this immutably good act even in his darkest hour, was to her simply an attack to make her feel bad. Literally everything was about her. Whether it was his depression, her lack of reciprocation, her refusal to care, or his good deeds – all of it was all about her. It’s no wonder he was unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and constantly walking on eggshells.
Her own assessment from the beginning was accurate, as she had repeatedly called herself a demon and called him an angel. It was so much that it became an inside joke that he was an agel sent from heaven. Perhaps he was. But she was truly a demon sent from hell to tear down a guy that gave everything for her, expecting nothing back but basic human decency, and didn’t even get that. No compassion. No empathy. No matter how dark he felt, she refused to comfort him, and made his sadness into an attack against her to make her “feel bad”. Complete and total reality inversion.
In the last moments he finally began to believe her own words. She really was a demon – not literally, but she embodied everything that was cruel. He finally accepted the truth – she really was heartless. She was cruel. She was a monster. And it was really her, not him, who destroyed a beautiful thing. And yet to this day she still refuses accountability, and blames him for ruining it.
Flaying to Spain to work in the fields for her dreams for 5 hours a day while taking 3 graduate classes online and renting cars at his own expense and driving her around the island when he had exams and deadlines wasn’t enough – she still refused basic care, basic respect, basic trust, basic love, basic compassion.
She couldn’t put her own emotions aside for even 5 seconds even to entertain a proposal on the perfect day at the perfect time in the perfect place at the perfect moment. She didn’t even get her proposal, because she was too short-sighted to see what was in front of her and put her immediate desires aside for a few seconds so her whole life could change and all her dreams could be fulfilled. She threw love in the trash, and blamed him for it. She really was a monster.
